We run out of love and things to say
The bitterness crept up on us
A mutual disintegration but it still hurts
We had two torches; one burnt out but the other still burns
I feel empty inside with her gone
A month in and I can’t shake off my memories of her
That darn touch is still burning
I need an excuse; a way back in just for a moment with her
I pick up the phone and call
“Hey, how have you been?”
“I’m fine.”
I pause for about a minute as we wallow in an uncomfortable silence
“I’ve been thinking about you and I was wondering if you are too.”
“Yes, I’ve been thinking about you.”
“I miss you.”
An uncomfortable silence creeps in again
“I miss you.”
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“What are you doing?”
“Stepping out to get some groceries.”
“Need help?”
“Sure! I am heading to Kroger.”
“I will meet you there.”
The groceries were done as I arrived so I follow her back to her apartment
My mind racing the whole time
Alarmed but excited at the same time
Seeing her after weeks made me horny
Is it the dry spell or the burning flame?
One thing we always did right was hanging out in the kitchen
We talked as we put the groceries away
Nothing major, silly pleasantries about family and work
Somehow, she is more beautiful today; a beauty I did not recognize weeks ago
Somewhere in the conversation, a familiar invitation barges in
“Let’s get some fresh air.”
We stood on her balcony, at the same spot where we made countless passionate memories
A smog of lust hangs in the air
Our passion was not lost, it was stolen
My body ached for her
We hugged gingerly
“Why are you hard?”
“I want you.”
” I want you too.”
Before I kiss her, she wipes away a tear
“I will hate myself in the morning but I am going to love you tonight”
“I know; we are in each other’s arms pretending it is right.”
“I know it’s wrong.”
“I don’t want to think about how it used to be before it went bad.”
The evening breeze feels warm against our semi-nude bodies on the balcony
“Kiss me again.”
“Are you okay with this?”
“I was waiting for your call. You turned me on the second you said you were coming over.”
“We had a good thing going, didn’t we?”
She nods painfully
We are at the pinnacle of break up sex
The bitterness has left us momentarily
We can’t cage the desire
We can’t cage the lust and the rage
Companion to my enemy just for tonight
The sex is angry
She needs to get as much of that pent-up anger out
I channel my pent-up anger and jealousy over another man having her soon
The sex gets rough
I hear her cry softly for a brief moment
Passionately inside each other but detached emotionally
The best sex we’ve ever had the entire year we were together
The last time I was here was filled with fighting and tears
Maybe separating this way is better
The last goodbye full of passion, sweat, and angry lust
It was over and we were really over
“Can I spend the night?”
“No. Leave the keys under the flower-pot.”
I want to kiss goodbye but she looks away
I look back just in time to see her wiping away more tears
I walk out and wipe my own tears
I feel empty again as I walk away
We are both paying the dues for the load we dropped
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By Kwadjo Panyin
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